I sympathetically hear you. Yes, you are “dying”. Be assured that if your life is committed to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, he is doing something dynamic today in your pain.“Dynamic” because death is dynamic. It is the prerequisite to resurrection, which is the most dynamic thing of all. The health trial, marriage trial, child trial of the moment is the Lord testing your resurrected Life. The scriptural assurance of this is so strong that it requires faithful cooperation.

"Unless you take up your cross and follow me, you cannot be my disciple” is being tested in you. Resurrection Life comes only after death. It absolutely requires a death. His death. When we take Him as our resurrection Life, we agree that we have died in Him to the control of our own bodies, our marriages, our children. We agree with Him that He is more important than any of those dear things, that He can subtract or add them, and is free to test our faith in Him above them.

We invent many sinful shortcuts around this. In pain, a feverish self-preservation instinct kicks in. Self-interestedly we want to control, manipulate, rationalize, excuse, and justify. Still, God reveals the Truth that it takes the very death we recoil from, to be His disciples and to know experientially His Life and Love.

I see these deaths in my life. Seasons so painful and hopeless! Then the trial is eased inexplicably (not necessarily removed) when I, having no godly recourse, accept a death of an inferior love, for the Source of Love. Strength is born in a love relationship with Jesus Christ that was not, could not have been, there before. He gives Himself in the mysterious exchange of death for Life.  I can love again, with a purified love!

“…He disciplines us for our good, so that we may share His holiness. All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness.” Heb. 12:10-11

“…that I may know Him and the power of His resurrection and the fellowship of His sufferings, being conformed to His death; in order that I may attain to the resurrection from the dead.” Phil. 3:10-11
 

“Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery ordeal among you, which comes upon you for your testing, as though some strange thing were happening to you; but to the degree that you share the sufferings of Christ, keep on rejoicing so that also at the revelation of His glory you may rejoice with exultation.” I Peter 4:12-13
 

“Today if you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts….” Heb. 3:7