HOW TO HAVE A BLESSED MARRIAGE 
 

      I am not offering this teaching on marriage because I have everything in place for a perfect marriage. However, after 61 years of marriage I can say that I have a good, blessed marriage. I am sure many of our short-falls throughout the years could have been avoided if we both had known and applied the truths that I share with you from the following passage of Scripture. May God grant you understanding and willingness to find and live the blessed marriage. 
 

Ephesians 5:  

22 Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.

23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior.

24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her

26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word,

27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.

28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

29 After all, no one ever hated his own body, but he feeds and cares for it, just as Christ does the church—

30 for we are members of his body.

31 "For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh."

32 This is a profound mystery—but I am talking about Christ and the church.

33 However, each one of you also must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband.

(from NIV translation) 
 

      Marriage is a sacred institution. It was God’s idea from the beginning, it was and still is God’s plan. It started in the Garden of Eden.

      Down through the centuries, every culture had its own approach and interpretation of what marriage is and how it should be carried out. Even today in our western culture there are still factions striving to change the biblical view of marriage. Many marriages don’t last, often ending in bitter divorces resulting in broken homes, broken lives and children with broken hearts.

      God never asks anything of us that He does not supply all that we need to do it successfully. He sets a pattern in His Word by example and He gives us the teaching to live it. It is up to us to find it and apply it to our situations. In the case of marriage, we are given a clear pattern in Ephesians 5:22-33. The relationship between Christ and His Bride, the Church, is the pattern for man and his bride.

      Since God appointed the husband to be the head, the leader of the marriage relationship, I will start with his role. If he fulfills his role, it will fall into place for the wife to fulfill her role. However, God will meet us wherever we are in our marriage relationship as we look to Him to help us apply His pattern.  
 

Please correlate the following truths to the appropriate scripture verse as you read them. The truth from the verse is given followed by the instruction to follow.

v.25.  Christ loved the church and gave Himself up for her.

Husbands, love your wives by giving yourself up for her. (that is, give up your self-centered ways) 
 

v.26.  Christ cleanses the church by the washing with water through the word.

Husbands, speak words to your wife that will edify her and cleanse her from her feelings of inadequacy or hurt. (that is, help her to feel good about who she is) 
 

v.27. (By so doing), Christ will present to Himself a church that is radiant, without spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. She will be holy and blameless.

Husbands, by so doing, your wife will become radiantly beautiful in your eyes, without fault or shortcomings. 
 

v. 28. Husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies.

Husbands, do yourself a favor and love your wife as you love your own body. That will prove that you love yourself and the return to you will be worth it. 
 

v.29.  Christ feeds and cares for His body, the church.

Husbands, take care of your wife’s needs, both physically and emotionally. 
 

v. 23.  Christ is the head of the church. The church is His body, of which He is the Savior.

Husbands, you are the head of your wife. Your wife belongs to you. Take charge of your responsibilities and be her protector. 
 

v. 24.  The church submits to Christ.

(vs. 22 & 24)  Wives, submit to your husbands, even as you submit to the Lord. Let your  husband be the head of your relationship. (in everything) 
 

v. 31.  … a man will be united to his wife, the two will become one flesh.

Husbands, be united to your wife, become one with her. 
 

v.32-33  We may not understand how this works but it works.

The result will be that the husband loves his wife, the wife respects her husband. 
 

      This is God’s plan for your marriage relationship. It will bring you into oneness. You will experience harmony and contentment and fulfillment. 
 

In simple form:

1.  Husbands, give up your old lifestyle, give up trying to please yourself. Live to bless your wife. Have a loving attitude. Speak words to her that will help her develop her character. Express your love to her.

2.  If you do this consistently she will respond to you. She will want to please you. She will honor and respect you.

3.  In so doing, she will look to you as her covering. She will submit to your headship.

4.  Result? A blessed marriage! 

Wives, lest you sit back and think it is entirely up to your husbands to make the marriage a blessed one, let me remind you of 1 Peter 3:1-6

1 Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,
2 when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.
3 Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.
4 Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.
5 For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands,
6 like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.
 
     The wife’s work is to develop a gentle, quiet spirit which is what is needed to have a submissive spirit, and which won’t fade away like outer beauty tends to do.
 
    In today’s world a submissive spirit seems to be counter-culture with the emerging role of women. A submissive spirit in marriage really has nothing to do with losing one’s identity or personality or talents and abilities. That would be taking away from whom God intended her to be. It has everything to do with learning to relate to your husband in a respectful way, even when he is not yet fulfilling his godly role as your husband. Wives are privileged to have powerful influence on their husbands and if used properly, it will work for the good of the marriage.
   
    As both husband and wife strive together to build a blessed marriage, God’s presence and power are available to make it a reality.
 

 

5/3/10